


Crashing Into The Unknown

by vinndetta



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Cancer, Cancer is a dirty brother killer, Depressed!Sans, F/F, F/M, FUCK, Frisk is a cutie, Human!Sans, M/M, MMM HOW DO I WRITE, Male!Frisk, No underground, Older!Frisk, Poor Sans, ahhhhhhhhh, car crash, fucking writer's block dude, human!AU, mute!Frisk, papy nooooo, that doesn't even make sense ag i give up at tagging oh well, tori is a sweet, tori stop, uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-05-18 22:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5946142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinndetta/pseuds/vinndetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans Hinder finds himself having a bad time: he's resorted to live in a small apartment after his brother died. Not like a car crash would make anything better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sans always wondered what his mother – although long dead – was thinking when she named her sons after type fonts. Sans and Papyrus were always the ones with different names; why didn’t she named them something like Jacob or Anthony? Now, their unique names were something more of another thing that set them apart from the other ‘normal’ people. 

At least Sans kept his hair color a secret, Paps would always say. Sans would always agree (he could never argue against his dear brother) that it was a smart idea to say that he dyed his hair silver. Who would look at Sans if he told everyone his actual hair color was silver? Sure, he could call himself an albino, but silver is definitely not the same as white (and everyone knows the absence of melanin causes no color, so silver hair wouldn't make sense), so he supposed he would just leave it at the dye lie.

Just thinking of Papyrus made Sans squeeze his eyes shut. It was always a running joke among their family that Sans would die first, being the older brother and all (Oh, but both brothers knew Sans was always the 'unlucky' and 'unfavored' son of the two). But they were wrong, Sans screamed internally, they were all wrong. 

Just thinking of the spiteful funeral made Sans want to barf and scream at the same time. The lowering of the body, the prayers, the paperwork, everything was just a bad memory that he was alone. He'd no longer have his spaghetti-loving roommate to wake him up everyday for work, his brother to defend him from their relatives, or his best friend to get him smiling when he's down.

Sans looked outside the train window, watching the scenes from nature zoom by and zoom away in the blink of an eye. The recency of his brother fainting, losing his strength, and taking his last breath was too much for Sans. His relatives placed the stress on him, and Sans felt like he could breathe just a little bit better now that he was returning home to Ureoto.

Oh who was he kidding, Sans thought to himself. Nothing would be the same without his younger brother. He'd be alone, with no friends, no brother, no nothing. 

Sans let out a deep chuckle, and he was sure that someone near him on the train thought he was mad, for he heard some shuffling and a few sounds of terror. Sans always heard that his laughs and chuckles seemed to sound like the... Sans didn't want to get into that, or else he'd start crying in front of these strangers.

The train's whistle blew, signaling that they had arrived at their stop: Ureoto's train station on Snowfall Drive. Sans got up, brushed his clothes off just in case there was any dust, and walked briskly off the train.

Late December weather in Ureoto was always chilly. Whether it would snow or not depended on whether or whether not there was enough moisture in the clouds to rain. This year so far, it had decided not to snow. Maybe next month; January still had a chance.

Sans' long coat flowed behind him as he walked quickly towards the street. As soon as he reached the edge, he almost put his foot out again to walk into the street. But Sans' foot froze in place, refusing to put himself in danger. Sans retracted his foot, shocked. He didn't realize that he had almost committed suicide. Was it on purpose?

No, of course not, Sans hummed to himself, trying not to think about what happened. A car zoomed by the street near him, and Sans paled. The car was speeding like crazy, with no intention of stopping. If Sans had stepped forward... 

Sans shook his head and signaled for a taxi. He was going crazy. He almost committed suicide, and now he was talking to himself. As soon as he gets home, he's going to take a shower, and sleep.

\-----

There were a few rapid and frantic movements in the darkness before the room lit up. Sans took away his hand from the lamp and hid under the covers for a moment. He snuck a peek at the clock on his side table. It was 9:17 a.m. in the morning according to the clock. 

Sans frantically threw the bed covers off of him and got up, shivering from the freezing cold weather. 

"Hey, Paps, you were supposed to..." 

Sans shook his head. He was gone. There was no longer two beds, but just one. Just him. He was always used to Papyrus waking him up for work.

Sans had sold the house, he reminded himself. Too many memories, he had told himself. And now, this apartment was good enough for him. This small-ish cheap apartment was just fine for him, a mourning brother.

He picked up his phone to check if he had any messages. In fact, there was a new message from his boss. Sans sighed and clicked on it, knowing full well what it was going to say.

* Undyne: I know you need time to adjust, Sans. Don't worry, you can take a few months off with pay. Don't argue with me. This is settled. *

Sans sighed. His boss, Undyne, knew him so well. He wanted to argue. He wanted to work to get his mind off of... everything. Working has always the few hours that he could just focus upon his work and not have to think about anything else.

* Sans: ... *

* Sans: Fine. *

\-----

Grillby’s bar/restaurant thing was always the place that made Sans feel less… empty. The people there knew him well as a regular and also as a comedian when things seemed duller than usual. Grillby would get mad and a little hot-headed when Sans got hold of his ketchup. Sans loved ketchup, and it was almost an obsession. That was another thing he was known for: the Hinder brothers, Sans and Papyrus, with their obsessions over ketchup and hot sauce respectively. 

Papyrus ... just the thought of him made Sans want to punch a wall, punch a person, punch himself! The pain of knowing he was never to wake up again made Sans feel agonized and frustrated. 

Why couldn’t it be him, Sans wanted to scream at everyone. He hated the world above for taking Papyrus away. He had so much to live for, and Papyrus ... was gone. Sans wanted to scream at the sky, scream at the god or whatever was up there, listening to him. 

Grillby coughed, and Sans drew back his attention to him. He was sitting at the bar, he remembered, and he ordered a burger. The said burger was in front of him.

"Your food might get cold." Grillby said, with an expression-less look on his face. Sans nodded, and he took a bite of his burger. Sans chewed it and swallowed it, and then looked back up to see Grillby staring at him, with an unreadable expression.

"Grillby?" Sans tilted his head. Was there something on him? Was there something off about the way he looked today? 

"You didn't put ketchup on it." Grillby said.

Sans looked down at this ketchup-less burger. That was right. He didn't usually forget it. How strange. Was this a bad thing? Maybe it was...

"You haven’t been acting right lately. Your brother is gone, I know that much, but... I know he wouldn’t like to see you like this." Grillby's words made Sans look up and think about that. How true his words were! Papyrus was probably scolding him for all the stupid things he's done today.

"Paps..."

Sans couldn't help but feel numb, and he laid his head on the table. 

Grillby started to walk away to tend to another customer.

Sans misses him.

Papyrus.

Sans vaguely realizes he needs a hug.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow dang people like this????
> 
> aaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Sans doesn't know what to make of it anymore. What is this life, this _disgusting horrible life_? Thoughts swirl into his mind and he sprawls, rolling around. The whispers, the shrieks, everything just becomes some sort of faded background and the only thing he can focus on is the voices inside his head.

It used to be different. Papyrus was always there, to comfort him, whether he realized it or not. Just having the bright and lively brother around made him at least feel...

Worthy.

But now, there's just an empty black void stripped of love, and Sans can't even find the _fucking jokes_ he would always say. There's no fucking point anymore. Sans knows he could make a joke right now, there's one now, on the tip of his tongue. And he can't fucking. Say. It.

Sans can't help but feel how _fucking unworthy_ he is to deserve a life. A life that Papyrus was stripped of. Papyrus. Papyrus. Papyrus.

Empty black fucking voids, he can't even stop his language, he's so fucking done with life.

The loss of his brother seems to have left a void in his heart, his utter soul, one that can't be fixed. The hole is too large, the emptiness surrounds him and he can feel himself sinking, lower, lower, lower...

And there's suddenly silence. The voices in his head have stopped shrieking, and Sans opens his eyes for the first time in perhaps a few hours. He stares at the plain white ceiling - if it was black, Sans would be certain it would be like his soul - and sighs.

The slight patter on the windows reminds Sans that it's been raining. No, not raining, pouring.

He probably would have noticed, was it not for the screams and shouts in his head.

What was it that Alphys said? That the quietest people have the loudest minds? He couldn't deny it now, and he's sure that Papyrus would probably be yelling at him for wasting such precious time. 'Time is of the essence!' or 'Don't waste time, or it'll waste you!' would probably be something he would say.

Papyrus...

The voices started shrieking again.

\-----

There were a few knocks on the door, and Sans jerked up from the sofa.

Wait, why was he sleeping on the sofa? Sans quickly reminded himself that it doesn't matter at the moment. Why would anything matter anyway, he thought as he let out a bitter laugh.

A few knocks on the door made Sans realize why he woke up.

"Knock knock!" A voice at the door made Sans by instinct get up to answer the door. Just as he placed his hand on the door - he barely realized how little he's eaten, and his hand seems all bone and no muscle - he stops for a moment and pulls away.

"... Who's there?" Sans' voice comes out shaky and he sounds like he's breaking down slightly. Or perhaps he's just imagining that, and Sans' signature smile is plastered on his face on natural instinct once again.

There were a few whispers and giggles coming from the other side of the door as the voice once again responds, "Anee!!"

"Anee who?"

"Anyone you want!"

... Papyrus...

\-----

"Hello? Are you okay?" The voices calling out to him in concern bring Sans back from the dead.

"Ah, sorry," Sans chuckled, opening the door to reveal the two people behind it. "I just had to get myself together."

He looks closely at the two people. Mother and child? Yes, that must be it. Both of them share similar traits: brown hair, brown eyes, wavy hair, and such.

"We're your neighbors." The woman introduced themselves. "I'm Toriel, and this is my son, Asriel."

Asriel nods, and holds up a foil-covered pan. Sans lets out a small 'thanks, kid' and takes the pan, lifting up the foil slightly to reveal the pie underneath. It had an amazing sweet smell to it and it almost brings him back to the days when Papyrus made pies during the holidays. He placed it down on the coffee table.

"Well, 'm name's Sans." The woman smiled, and so did the kid, but the woman looked at Sans as if she _knew_ there was something wrong with him. Of course there was, he thought in his head, of course there is.

"Knock knock." Sans suddenly said. He wanted to get the awkwardness off him, and he had to resist from shrieking and breaking down in front of these new people, these strangers.

"Who's there?" Toriel tilted his head, surprised by the sudden joke.

"..." Sans opened his mouth as if to tell a joke, but then he closed it. He thought. And thought. And he realized.

He couldn't think of _anything_ to say. He wanted to _s c r e a m_.

_P a p y r u s...._

_N o m o r e...._

\-----

Sans' world began to spin as the two neighbors stood there with panic in their eyes.

\-----

"Are you... okay?" Toriel was above him when Sans opened his eyes. For a moment, he forgot what happened and he shirked away.

But then it hit him. The knock knock joke, the pie, the neighbors, the joke, the -

Papyrus.

He broke down.

No...

Toriel shook him and was saying words to him that he couldn't even hear himself.

T h e

p a i n

P l e a s e

i t

h u r t s

s t o p

The voices fell to a murmur and Sans was brought back to reality. There was something on him, around his chest and he almost screamed.

Toriel was hugging him.

"Did you lose someone?" Her sweet voice full of concern made him tear up.

Sans couldn't hold it back anymore.

He drowned himself in his own tears. It all fell out, the memories, the pain, he told her everything that happened, the _pain, pain, **pain**..._

Papyrus suddenly fainting while making a quiche, Sans calling 911, Sans calling Undyne and Alphys from the next room, Sans being forced to pull away from Papyrus, Papyrus being sent into the hospital, Papyrus starting chemo, Papyrus telling Sans to never give up, Papyrus singing a song for him again, Sans drowning, drowning, Papyrus telling Sans in his last breath that he loved him...

He loved _him._

**_H I M._ **

Him, of all people, the most _unworthy_ person to be his brother, the most _unworthy_ to deserve his love, he wanted to _fuc k i n g dis a pp ea r._

And so, Toriel's cries echoed through the room as Sans ran out, out, anywhere to get away, away from everything, away from the voices in his head... the shrieks, the yelling, the cries...

And as he exited the apartment complex and almost ran into several people, he ran into the street, and he lifted his arm to see a bright light...

And then there was only darkness.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowee I suck holy shit
> 
> (now think about that literally omf why?!?!?!)


	3. Chapter 3

Sans had just barely woken up from slumber and had absolutely no idea where he was. Unfamiliar bed, unfamiliar sheets, unfamiliar background.

He could not tell for the life of him where he was, and for a second ---

"Am I dead?"

"... is this the afterlife?"

He had heard stories and tales of whay the afterlife was, and he lifted his hand. While it was rather bony from a lack of food and care, it wasn't transparent. It was real.

Where was he?

He vaguely remembered a few shouts and...

A bright light.

Did he actually walk into the street this time and ...

Car.

Light.

Someone holding onto him for dear life and...

Someone had gotten him and helped him...

Sans laid down on the bed, pondering this.

He...

Someone actually held him in his arms, tried to save him, and...

They held him as if he was actually important, actually significant.

_But that's ridiculous._

_Of course you're not important._

\-----

It's back, the only conscious and reasonable voice in his head cried out, it's all back.

Let it come, he thought bitterly, it's not as if it's not telling the truth.

For those brief seconds, there was silence, pure silence, and Sans laid his head to rest.

Did he really believe that? The voices in his head questioned him.

"Yes." He suddenly said out loud. Of course. 

He hated himself with a burning passion. He's gonna burn in hell one day, he thinks to himself.

His memories of the happy times made him feel horrible. Just remembering Papyrus and...

There were so many things that he loved, but nostalgic rememberance just seemed to make him break inside just a little more.

Where the hell is he, he wondered.

It's not like it matters. The voice in his head laments.

Even if this was the depths of hell, Sans knew he would accept it willingly. He didn't deserve a life that was **stripped** from his brother, happiness without Papyrus, _Papyrus..._

For the first time in years, for the first time since his brother died, Sans let out a few muffled wails into his pillow and softly sniffed and sobbed himself into a dark, hollow sleep.

 -----

The next time he wakes up, he almost didn't notice the company he had in the room. 

It was the same room as before. He didn't even bother to hoist himself up into a sitting position; he just lay there, staring at the ceiling. On his face were the dried up rivers of tears on his face, and he rubbed them off; he didn't want to remember, remember anything, anyone, he wanted to...

His thoughts got cut off by a few knocks. He turned to see the source of the knocking, and to his surprise, he found someone sitting in a chair, smiling, so happy, and...

They picked up a small whiteboard and wrote upon it, and their face was squished up with... Sans could only think of one word... determination.

They waved at Sans, seeing that he had gazed off into the distance again. They turned around the whiteboard, and Sans had to struggle to see the words.

_"Hello! My name is Frisk Elline! You ran into the street and I tried to hit the brakes, but I still kind of hit you... so you ended up unconscious. Are you okay?"_

Sans stared dumbfoundedly at Frisk. He just couldn't believe that this stranger actually... cared? Wanted to know him? He wasn't really sure.

"I'm... uh... Sans. Sans Hinder. Uh... I'm fine."

Frisk, at these words, narrowed their eyes.

 ** _See, they hate you!_ ** The voices screamed.

Frisk wiped the whiteboard clean and then wrote once again on the whiteboard.

_"Are you kidding me? Don't lie to me, please... I saw you crying. And you have the audacity to say you're **okay**?"_

  -----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this was short. Sorry! Finally got this updated, heh!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Sorry this is late. I've had this for a while but I've never gotten around to posting it. Sorry!

Sans ran around in the darkness. There was a light in front of him. He picked up his pace and ran towards the light. The only thing he could see was the light and he wanted to get out, needed to get out. He didn’t want to have to deal with anything anymore and he just felt so dead inside. He didn’t want to feel anything, not the pain, the sorrow, the regret. 

Was this what depression was like?

He would have given anything to have it be him instead, because Papyrus didn’t deserve to die by the hands of cancer. 

Sans stopped running to catch his breath, his stamina quite low. The light was still so far away and he started to think that the light was unreachable, like trying to chase the moon around the earth. It's still so far away from you, all the way up in the sky.

"Sans!"

P...Papyrus?

"Sans, stop being lazy and pick up your sock!"

Sans lifted his head up and gaped at the vision before him. He could see in the darkness, the soft outlines of a room. Papyrus was standing in the doorway and Sans was inside, laying on the bed. The room looked like what it had always looked like: a messy room with laundry all over the floor, scattered objects strewn everywhere, and even a treadmill in the middle of the room.

"Papyrus... go away."

Sans did a double take at that. He stared at the Sans - his other self - on the bed. He walked closer to the room, the outlines growing sharper. 

"Oh..."

"Okay."

Papyrus walked out of the room. Sans watched all of this and the other Sans stared at the ceiling.

It was one of those days, he realized. Ones where he couldn't even bring himself to function. He just felt the void creeping over him and he lost all control over himself. He'd turn into a soulless version of himself.

Sans practically walked into the room through the wall. Everything was clear and sharp, almost as if it was real. He took a look at his hand and turned it around a few times. It was blurry, and he supposed by going through the wall into this vision had turned him into the spirit there. In his own past. He left his other self and walked outside to see Papyrus walking down the stairs slowly. Sans followed this Papyrus down the stairs and watched as Papyrus lay down on the couch.

"I hope he shall be doing better."

Dammit, Papyrus, he cursed. I was so rude and you… just shrug it off? I don’t deserve a brother like you.

Sans reached out towards Papyrus and what was supposed to be Papyrus' shoulder, Sans' hand had went through it. Sans recoiled by taking a step back.

He just wanted his brother and this dream was going to block him from that? He only wanted a hug, a gesture, something. But he couldn't even do that. He could only look at what had been.

The next thing he knew, he had collapsed onto his knees sobbing with his hands on the floor.

Papyrus...

-

Sans let out a huge sigh. He was awake. That... wasn't real.

Although, to be technical, it was... his past. Which made it real.

Sans didn't want to think about that. He didn't even want to think at all. About anything.

A couple of knocks turned Sans' head to the left to find that, in fact, Frisk was there watching him. Frisk had been knocking on the whiteboard, which read, "Good morning! Are you feeling better today?"

Sans shrugged.

Frisk narrowed their eyes in doubt and cautiousness, but smiled again. Frisk wiped away their previous words and wrote more, then showing him the elegantly written words.

"Well, I'm going to make breakfast, so you can come down and eat!"

Sans nodded curtly. Frisk then moved to get out of the room. 

"F... Frisk."

Frisk paused in the doorway of the room, but did not turn back.

"Thank you."

Frisk stood at the doorway, appearing to think about what he said, and then left, closing the door.

Sans coughed. He hadn't used his voice in a while. But the least he could do is thank his rescuer. Even though he was rescuing him from himself? Sans shrugged. 

Sans relaxed onto the pillows. These were comfortable pillows that Frisk had. It was so soft. Maybe he could rest... rest a little bit before... he'd get up...

**Author's Note:**

> wow um such sin
> 
> how do i write
> 
> mmmmm where do i go from here
> 
> wait what
> 
> oh 
> 
> nope
> 
> stilll don't know what to write next sldaghasdklf


End file.
